Homeowner refuses to let his younger brother move back in after spending nine months supporting him while he stopped helping with chores, groceries, and job applications: 'I felt more like his parent than his sibling'

Author image for Cata Holmes
Cata Holmes • Writer
Jul 11, 2026 2:30 PM EDT

Does helping a family member mean giving them unlimited second chances?

An older brother reached out to the community in r/AITH because he needs some help with the tight situation he's having with his younger brother. After the sibling lost his job, the homeowner agreed to have him move in for two months until he got back on his feet. Things didn't go as planned, since he ended up staying for nine months, a period during which he did not help with any chores or pay rent. Eventually, he moved in with a friend. Now, their landlord wants to sell the house, so he asked his older brother to move back in, and he refused.

This story showcases perfectly what a family conflict really is. Because there's always empathy and love towards your family that makes you want to help them as much as possible. However, if that help is crossing your boundaries, that's when the problem emerges. The older brother is totally entitled to refuse to have his sibling move in with him again, since he already knows how he's going to behave. Here's where the ethics and morals show up to make you feel bad about refusing to help your family.

On the other hand, the family is not trying to fix the situation in any way, shape, or form. On the contrary, they are making the older brother feel selfish and mean for letting the sibling move in with him. But I believe personal boundaries are the best way to keep relationships in check, especially when it comes to family. We're all grown-ups here, and we essentially know how we have to behave when moving in with someone. So, I stand with the OP and with his firm boundaries.

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  • One brother speaking to another while placing a hand on his shoulder.
    via Unsplash+ (via NONRESIDENT)

    One brother speaking to another while placing a hand on his shoulder.


    This image is used for illustrative purposes.

  • About two years ago, my younger brother lost his job and asked if he could stay with me "for a couple of months" while he got back on his feet. I have a spare bedroom, so I said yes. We agreed he would contribute what he could toward groceries, keep the room clean, and actively look for work.
    via Swimming-Soil-2015
  • The first month was fine, but after that things started slipping. He stopped applying for jobs as often, stayed up all night gaming, slept through the day, and rarely cleaned up after himself. He wasn't paying rent, which I'd already expected, but he also stopped helping with groceries or chores.
    via Swimming-Soil-2015
  • Every time I brought it up, he'd apologize and promise things would improve. They usually did for a week before going right back to how they were.
    via Swimming-Soil-2015
  • What was supposed to be two months turned into almost nine. Eventually I told him he needed to make other arrangements because I felt more like his parent than his sibling. He moved in with a friend shortly afterward, and while he was upset, we eventually got past it.
    via Swimming-Soil-2015
  • Recently, his landlord decided to sell the house he's renting, and he asked if he could stay with me again for "just a few weeks" until he found another place.
    via Swimming-Soil-2015
  • I told him no. I said I wasn't willing to repeat what happened before. He insists he's changed, has a steady job now, and that I'm holding his worst year against him forever.
    via Swimming-Soil-2015
  • Our parents think I'm being too harsh because this time it's an emergency, and they've pointed out that he did eventually get his life together. My brother says I'm punishing him for mistakes he already apologized for.
    via Swimming-Soil-2015
  • I don't want him to end up without a place to stay, but I also don't want to put myself back into a situation that caused months of stress.
    via Swimming-Soil-2015
  • Man carrying moving boxes into a home.
    via Unsplash+ (via HiveBoxx)

    Man carrying moving boxes into a home.

    Represented by models.

  • In the comment section, Redditors brought up a very good point: why doesn't the brother move in with the parents? Although the OP didn't disclose why this is an issue, I think it is fair to ask them if they can receive their younger son, rather than having the older brother do it. And more importantly: why are the parents calling him selfish when they're not allowing the boy to stay with them?

  • LawComprehensive2142 Why doesn't he live with your parents?
    via Swimming-Soil-2015
  • Current-Read Tell your parents he can live with them NTA. Apologizing doesn't mean past mistakes go away, or that a person has actually "gotten better”.
    via Swimming-Soil-2015
  • Either_Coconut Let your parents house him, then. At least he has a job, right? Unlike last time, at least he can pay them some rent.
    via Swimming-Soil-2015
  • 13ex_G Nta he is an adult who can put his stuff in storage and rent a room while he looks. Also just because the landlord is selling doesn't mean he needs to get out tomorrow. Where I live, if the landlord is selling their property, the tenants go with the house and the new owner takes over. Your brother needs to figure it out himself.
    via Swimming-Soil-2015
  • RevealCalm8788 NTA did his landlord not give him enough notice to find a new place? Or did he just put it off long enough expecting you to bail him out?
    via Swimming-Soil-2015
  • Two adult brothers talking outdoors in a residential courtyard.
    via Unsplash+ (via NONRESIDENT)

    Two adult brothers talking outdoors in a residential courtyard. 

    This image does not depict the actual people or events described in the story.

  • gardengirl99 It's not an emergency this time. Landlords have to give reasonable notice to renters. If he had a lease, he would've known that his lease term was ending. If he was month-to-month, he still would have at least one month's notice to find alternative housing. And actually, folks with problems now it's pretty hard to get someone evicted in a lot of places, even for prolonged nonpayment. It often takes at least three months.
    via Swimming-Soil-2015
  • Oncer93 NTAH. He'll say that it's different, but as soon as he moves in, things will go back to how they were, when he last lived there. Tell your parents that, he can stay with them.
    via Swimming-Soil-2015
  • SnowDropGirl Sleeping on the sofa at your parent's place would really encourage him to find a new place of residence promptly. Plus, he's saying "just a few weeks" which is hardly a "long term house guest" - which means they know what he's like, they figure it'll be longer, and they're not prepared to deal with that and are trying to guilt you into taking responsibility for him.
    via Swimming-Soil-2015
  • PsychologyAutomatic3 It has been two years ago, not 10. I would not count on him having changed enough to respect your home. He'll get comfortable again and it will turn into several months before you can get rid of him,
    via Swimming-Soil-2015
  • NotCreativeAtAll16 NTA and anyone who feels otherwise can ask Manny the Moocher to stay with them.
    via Swimming-Soil-2015

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